Why Avoid Conflict in Divorce?

Getting a divorce may be one of the most difficult upheavals you will ever face in your life. The life that you committed to, that you have spent years building, is coming to an end. Certainly, that doesn’t mean a divorce is the end of the world, but it is the end of the life you once had and a start to a new and probably very different life.

That type of change can be incredibly challenging to process and handle, and when human beings struggle with change, sometimes the only way we know how to release our emotions is to lash out against the most obvious targets—usually your spouse in the case of a divorce. But ask yourself, when has lashing out and getting angry ever really caused pain to abate? It might provide you with some instant gratification, a quick release of pent-up frustrations, but it will never be a cure. The same is true in divorce.

Conflict is inherent in a traditional divorce. The negotiation and litigation process is set up in a manner which causes each spouse to do whatever they can to pursue their own interests, to try to achieve the best possible divorce settlement for themselves rather than their family as a whole.

Additionally, conflict tends to be the easiest reaction to a divorce. That may sound counterintuitive, since conflict obviously complicates things and makes them feel hard, but the fact is, when we face an emotional challenge, anger and conflict are simply ways to avoid the difficulty of processing our pain in a healthy manner.

Avoiding conflict is oftentimes much harder than fueling the fire through verbal jousting or blindly pursuing retribution by “taking him/her for all they are worth.” But when it comes to a divorce, minimizing the contention between you and your spouse can make all the difference in terms of achieving positive and healthy outcomes in your divorce.

Think about the benefits of cooperating and avoiding conflict, even when it is incredibly difficult. How much easier will the process be for your children? How much more fair and equitable will the distribution of assets be? How much money and time will you save by cooperating with one another to resolve the aspects of your divorce which you disagree upon in order to keep the case out of court?

All of these benefits are native to the collaborative law process. Collaborative divorce removes the threat of litigation, and forces couples to work together to achieve the best possible outcome for everyone involved. As we’ve detailed in a previous blog, which you can read here, high-conflict couples may sometimes be even better suited for a collaborative divorce than those who agree on all aspects of the settlement.

Avoiding conflict in your divorce, and showing some kindness and compassion when all you feel is anger and mistrust, can be the single most important way to achieve a healthy new beginning following the dissolution of your marriage, and collaborative divorce can help you do just that. If you are seeking a divorce and you are interested in utilizing the collaborative law approach, please contact Landerholm Law today.

Written by Collaborative Divorce

Collaborative Divorce

Our passion is helping individuals like you resolve your divorce and family law challenges with as little stress as possible. We understand that this is a difficult time in your life and we strive to give you predictability and peace of mind throughout all legal proceedings. One of the key ways in which we deliver that experience is by customizing our approach to fit your exact needs.